Ambivalence or the art of simultaneously wanting but not wanting something – should be celebrated as a perfectly normal part of the change process…
Only by truly understanding & accepting this ambivalence can the leader of said change, work with it & move forward.
Too often overlooking what sits behind this sense of indifference or being hellbent on resolving it for others can be the very reason down the line that the change does not land in quite the way it was intended.
For me then the approach should include four things:
(1) Not meeting fire with fire / resistance with resistance as this usually only serves to reinforce the level of mixed feelings.
(2) No one knows more about themselves than they do, so spending time understanding their reasons for ambivalence & then helping them bring forward what is needed to move in one direction or another can be key.
(3) Finding common ground & then using this as a platform to help strengthen an individual or team’s own motivation for change. Try always to evoke as opposed to install!
(4) Listen out for & seek to strengthen any ‘change talk’ which is the language that indicates what it would take to move in a particular direction.
So, if you can normally be found bemoaning the “agony” & “crumbling foundations” of ambivalence being at the heart of all poor decision making (with thanks to Freud & Sartre), can I suggest you just go with the joy of it – explore, learn & then use it as a means on which to build rather than entrench.
If you want to understand more about working with ambivalence then ‘Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change & Grow’ (Miller & Rollnick) is a great place to continue your learning or if you want to explore how I can help your team or your organisation’s ambivalence to change then message me at rupert@strongerhumans.com
#motivation #ambivalence #change #strongerhumans
