Put simply, the idea within a work context is that despite our best endeavours the ‘first arrow’ often arrives & when it does, it causes the initial pain – sometimes unannounced & often when we are least expecting it. For example:
- A failure to secure that desired new role
- A piece of work that took a long time to complete, but doesn’t deliver against the brief & fails to win a contract
- The discovery that you have been the subject of unfavourable discussions in your absence & were unable to defend yourself
When these things occur, we often fight the reality, don’t accept what has happened & refuse to allow them to be there. This is metaphorically the ‘second arrow’ – it often does more damage than the first, much of it self-inflicted as we fire it at ourselves causing suffering to add to the pain we initially felt, with language like…
“I’ll never be as good as them”
“Everyone else knows what they are doing except me”
“What is the point, nothing ever changes?”
“My boss doesn’t care anyway”
I know what’s coming (I can hear you think) …he is going to tell me to be more self-compassionate & kind! Well yes, that would be ideal…but for most of us, wholly unrealistic given the tempo & intensity of modern-day leadership & life in general.
This is where executive coaching can help…
Creating the conditions to say out loud in a safe space those innermost hindering thoughts is often enough, if not then having your assumptions challenged & better still creating some coping mechanisms that help you respond just a little better the next time that first arrow flies in, can be both empowering & liberating. Afterall we are just human & being. We cannot always dodge the first arrow, but we can choose where or how we fire the second.
If you want to explore how you can be better prepared for that ‘second arrow’ & maybe over time reduce the need ‘to nock’ it at all (one for the archers among you) then message me at rupert@strongerhumans.com
#strongerhumans #coaching
