So, who is at fault & more importantly who needs to do the work?
The short answer is it all depends on the context, but the good news is that whether you find yourself as the victim, the persecutor or the rescuer (with thanks to Karpman’s ‘Drama Triangle’ for the descriptors) there are always ways that you can make your conversations feel like more of a dance than a wrestling match.
Firstly, choose your attitude – if you approach the conversation with the view that you will need to lead / be in control at all times then there is every chance that you will end up wrestling. As with dancing if you are happy that sometimes you’ll lead, sometimes you’ll guide & sometimes you’ll follow, there is a greater chance that you’ll reach the end of the song where you needed to be & you may well both have enjoyed the choreography too.
Secondly, be curious – avoid the perpetual need to over assess, prematurely focus on what you want & rush to ‘so what.’ You may have a view of where you want to be standing on the dancefloor at the end of the song, but it is a lot more enjoyable for both of you if you use all the steps available & the full length of the track. I’ll let you into a secret…you may even learn a new combination or two!
Finally, to be good at dancing takes practice – don’t berate yourself & give up if you tried something new & it didn’t quite go to plan. The outcome is simply feedback on how well your practice is going, if it works it confirms what you already knew – if it doesn’t then take the lesson & evolve your approach.
So if you are spending too much time wrestling when you’d rather be dancing drop me a message at rupert@strongerhumans.com to find out how I could support you, your team or your organisation quick-step to having better conversations.
#strongerhumans #dancingnotwrestling #coaching #greatconversations
